So now I am again… waiting for feedback. That’s how things go in publishing, if you haven’t noticed 🙂 It’s all hurry up, then wait. But the in between times are necessary, and a good chance to just rest up and recharge, and do some beta reading for friends. It’s as much a part of the process as writing.
In the bad advice chronicles
“Get a thicker skin” is something I hear often when writers have trouble dealing with rejections and the ups and downs of the industry.
Honestly, I think that’s so contrary to what being a writer requires. You need to be emotionally open and vulnerable in order to write. Growing a thicker skin is about the absolute opposite of that.
So what’s a writer to do? I think you have to learn what’s normal in the business and recognize that most things (like rejections) are not personal. It’s about developing coping strategies, because sometimes on a bad day, rejections and negative self talk can be really painful. Sometimes re-framing rejections as positives, and rewarding yourself for the courage to put yourself out there can help. Sometimes you just have to acknowledge that they hurt, and do something nice for yourself. Sometimes you just have to forgive yourself for not being a genius, or not breaking out faster, or not being finished a manuscript. I promise, we all feel like that some days.
I don’t want a thicker skin. I want to feel everything in the world, but that means I have to be open to experiencing the bad parts as well. You can’t just choose the good.
Not so light reading
And I’m done line edits! The book is off for another round of feedback, and meanwhile I’m going to let my brain turn to mush for until it’s time for the next round. Ahh the writing life…
GUESS WHAT? (ICYMI)
No it’s not a book surprise, but it’s a big one, and also the reason I’ve been feeling unwell over the last few months. We’re having another baby this December! I’ve had to take a step back to rest, and cancelled plans – sorry! My pregnancies have both been terrible, but that’s the luck of the draw. If you were one of those miraculously symptom free mothers, I envy you.
I am not looking forward to the sleepless nights, but oh, the baby snuggles, and smiles. I miss those.
Parenthood changes you, and I was just thinking about all the small ways I’ve adjusted over the last few years. These days…
- I have no time to catch up on TV or binge watch a series. I’ve been to the movie theatre just once this year. MCU? Uh… I’m so lost.
- I’ve gotten used to being interrupted in the bathroom, in the shower, while sleeping, while eating… pretty much at any time.
- I never fill my plate, because I know I’ll be eating the child’s leftovers. Also, half eaten food is no longer disgusting. I spent precious time cooking and I’m not going to waste it even if the child does not appreciate it.
- Most spare bits of time get filled. One minute while something is microwaving means one minute to load the laundry.
- I treasure the writing time I do get, because it’s one thing in my life that’s just for me.
- But I’ve also learned the value of doing nothing. This is not laziness. Sometimes you just have to catch your breath and put your feet up.
- I’ve been squeezing in reading time while the kiddo watches TV and movies (she wants company so it’s a win win).
- I’ve learned to be present for all those small moments, because these add up to my life.
There are bad parts and hard days, but so is life. There is so little time to actually be myself and not mom or not working. Even though I’m mostly fine, just a little thing could upset the balance of my life, because there is so little wiggle room. I also never knew I could love another human being the way I love my child. The vulnerability and responsibility it makes you feel can be terrifying, and yet here I am willing to do it all over again anyway.
Link’s and Things