Journal

November 2019

Writing

Sometimes it feels like nothing is happening in publishing, despite working nearly constantly. This is a sloooow business… until it’s not. It’s hard not to second guess your decisions, the quality of your work, or your creative choices.

There is so much that I’m unsure of about my career – what’s normal, what’s not – because there’s so little I can control, but I never expected that the biggest obstacle to being a writer would be myself.

The honest truth is that the only thing I can do is keep my head down and not compare my journey with others.

Living

So I’m about to turn another year older, and so comes a reckoning of what I have done and failed to accomplish.

I have somehow managed to do six beta reads of other people’s stories and I’ve finished and revised the latest novel roughly 8 times (this is normal for me), but it still needs at least one more round so that I can integrate some feedback from my kick-ass CP’s. HUGE THANK YOUS Steph, Katrina, and Alechia <3

And…. that’s all. Pregnancy is it’s own challenge. Not puking everyday is a feat in itself. Taking care of myself is exhausting. I can’t even reach the nozzle on the kitchen sink anymore. I have bouts of insomnia along with leg cramps, back pain, and you name the non-life-threatening pregnancy complaint and I’m probably going through it. I’m just trying to keep it together physically, while mentally I’m trying to prepare for the hard work and sleepless nights that come with a new small child (in addition to an older already demanding one).

Mostly it’s the uncertainty that has me tossing and turning at night. What will my life be like in a few months? I worried that my first child would mean the end of my writing career, and that didn’t happen, but it took a very long time to manage a stable enough place to start creating again. Post-partum depression is no joke.

This time, I’m sure that the hard times will pass and that writing will be possible in the future, but I don’t know how long it will take. Months? Years? How much more of myself will I have to give up temporarily? Permanently?

And yet there’s only so much you can do to prepare. I know I will love this kid with everything, just like the first one – but I’m still a little scared.

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Journal

October 2019

Writing

So now I am again… waiting for feedback. That’s how things go in publishing, if you haven’t noticed 🙂 It’s all hurry up, then wait. But the in between times are necessary, and a good chance to just rest up and recharge, and do some beta reading for friends. It’s as much a part of the process as writing.

In the bad advice chronicles

“Get a thicker skin” is something I hear often when writers have trouble dealing with rejections and the ups and downs of the industry.

Honestly, I think that’s so contrary to what being a writer requires. You need to be emotionally open and vulnerable in order to write. Growing a thicker skin is about the absolute opposite of that.

So what’s a writer to do? I think you have to learn what’s normal in the business and recognize that most things (like rejections) are not personal. It’s about developing coping strategies, because sometimes on a bad day, rejections and negative self talk can be really painful. Sometimes re-framing rejections as positives, and rewarding yourself for the courage to put yourself out there can help. Sometimes you just have to acknowledge that they hurt, and do something nice for yourself. Sometimes you just have to forgive yourself for not being a genius, or not breaking out faster, or not being finished a manuscript. I promise, we all feel like that some days.

I don’t want a thicker skin. I want to feel everything in the world, but that means I have to be open to experiencing the bad parts as well. You can’t just choose the good.

Not so light reading

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