Happiness, Journal

A Moment’s Pause

Hello 2021! I have to admit, I’m a little disappointed that the year didn’t bring with it surprises like the baby sleeping through the night, or miraculously having more time on my hands. I know, I know, a couple of days can’t really make a difference, but considering 2020, I would have taken anything really.

Still, it’s a new year, and a good time to let go of some things, and set intentions for the next few months. The biggest theme for me this year is… learning to take more space.

I sent my Mom a bunch of photos of the kids this year, and she asked “But where are you?” I’ve looked at the photos over the past year, and I’ve been the one documenting everything, but I barely appear. Surviving motherhood has squeezed me into the smallest version of myself, and I need to start reclaiming the bits and pieces that make me, me.

Maybe this means more unapologetic selfies. Maybe it means not censoring myself as much and speaking up more for what I believe in. Maybe it means allowing myself to make more mistakes. Maybe this means taking the time to do a face cleaning routine. Maybe it means doing things for fun instead of just because I have to, like getting back to sewing. It definitely means protecting my writing time better, enforcing boundaries, and giving myself a little more grace/runway to get things done. The main obstacle is (always) time.

It’s a new year. Maybe the world hasn’t changed, but I can make a fresh start, and try for better.

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Happiness

Failure in writing is not:

  • Still having a lot to learn.
  • Being unsure if you’re good at this or not.
  • When one person doesn’t like your story (It might just not be for them).
  • Making mistakes.
  • Admitting you were wrong, then fixing it next time.
  • Reaching a certain age and not being published yet.
  • Unexpected things getting in the way of writing. Life happens. We cannot predict everything.
  • Watching other people succeed while you don’t.
  • Needing a break now and then.
  • Weeping at how good another writer is and that you’ll never write like that. (Hard truth: you won’t, because you are uniquely yourself)
  • Realizing that a public author life does not or will not make you happy.
  • Deciding this current path is not for you, and picking another one.
  • Finding out your true passion is elsewhere.
  • Writing only for yourself, or only to show friends.
  • Not getting an agent.
  • An editor rejection.
  • Being imperfect.
  • Finding this hard. It is hard.

 

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