Life now follows a particular logic, alien to the pre-baby mindset. I have enumerated the new equations below.

Baby Math:

  • Eating + baby = chew x 5 speed
  • Nap time x baby = random success rate
  • Hot days + baby = buy an air conditioner or everyone suffers
  • Tired baby = hyperactive baby
  • Clothes + baby = spit stained + yogurt scented
  • Cooking + baby = crying + smoke alarm ringing + questionable meals 
  • Sleep + baby = unsolvable 



Still alive! The baby overlord continues to be demanding.

Days and nights blur together but somehow we parental units survive. (If you look very closely you may notice twitching of the eyes, a glimmer of madness, spit stained clothing and unwashed hair).

Every day we face a different challenge. Perhaps it’s not easier but we’ve grown more accustomed to the baby’s demands. Consequently, a new weapon has been deployed to keep us from rebellion: the gummy smile.

It is perhaps the most effective tool the baby has used yet. It also serves as non-financial compensation (or as distraction from the lack thereof). I do not understand how the baby manages such a feat. Every smile is as effective as a drug, causing an immediate reaction in the heart region.

Still in need of sleep. Can that be bottled?

Signing off one handed. The overlord has claimed the other.