I’m very out of practice with the blogging. I’ve written and deleted and changed my mind about what I would like to say, because nothing seems like enough to sum up this roller coaster of a year. It feels like we’re finally treading water now that baby is napping and sleeping on a more regular schedule, but it’s taken so much to get here.
It hasn’t been all good, but the good parts more than make up for everything. Pick an emotion and I guarantee I’ve gone through it in extremes over the past year. There’s just so much to learn as new parents, and honestly it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Now I see why that 1 year birthday is such a big deal. You survived. Baby survived. It’s all a little bit less of a crazy.
But hard as it is, being a mom is also probably one of the most amazing things too. Having one little person that trusts you 100% never to drop them (even though baby’s squirmy and heavy and you’re only human) is humbling. That you could fail is not something that baby know’s is possible, and you just have to try harder or be stronger. Mama doesn’t get a day off even if she’s sick.
Every day baby learns something new, and her personality keeps getting bigger the more she’s able to express herself. It’s nothing that either of us parents is responsible for, it was just there from the start. It makes me humbled to think that every one of us was perfect the moment we were born, and who we are was already fully formed. If that’s not a miracle, I don’t know what is.
I’m still figuring out how to be both myself and mom at the same time. E and I are still figuring out how to be a couple and parents at the same time. I think that will be a work in progress for a while, but I’m looking forward to the new year. I think we’ll be a little less sleep deprived, and things will get more predictable once I go back to work. I suppose we’ll just see how it goes.