Sometimes the I feel like I’m growing backwards. The older I get, the younger I feel, because I realize just how much I don’t know, and how much I can’t predict. Life takes you unexpected places.
I have no idea what will happen with this fledgling writing career. Some days it’s hard to see beyond the frustrating words on the page. Other days I look up and I swear this path looks like the way to Mordor instead of paradise.
When I sit down to write these days, I balk and panic. The blank page feels more daunting than ever. The more experience I get, the more I realize I still have to improve. I can think back to stories I’ve written in the past and think of ways to make them better. It’s harder for me to let go and not revise endlessly.
At this rate, I’ll be learning forever, but that’s some kind of wonderful too – to think that it’ll never stop being a challenge. What kind of fun is easy? Pft! I know there will be tough parts on this path, but good parts too. Isn’t that what all adventures are about? Though, I sure do hope that isn’t Mt. Doom up ahead, and just a lovely picnic spot instead.
Things are going slowly right now, but they’re still going. I’ve slammed right into the troublesome middles of the latest WIP. I’m almost 40k in, and it feels like I’m trudging through one stale idea to the next. This usually happens when I hit the middle mark, so I’m not entirely worried. My rational mind tells me I have to push through this part and fix it later, while my creative mind is telling me its all derivative. I’ll get through it though. I know my demons. They never go away, but I’m better at ignoring them now.
Despite being sidetracked by the demands of the day job for a couple of months, it still looks like I’ll finish the first draft of this WIP by the end of August, as long as there aren’t any major emergencies around here. (I’m knocking furiously on wood right now.)
What do you hope is waiting for you at the end of your writing (mis)adventures? To meet the wise man of the mountain and be granted with incredible wisdom, to stumble across a dragon treasure and be wealthy forever, to find your friends all waiting and ready for a party, to walk up to the front door of a 5 star hotel…