I’m stuck deep in the “I’m never going to finish” feeling. And it is SO tempting to chuck the whole novel before I fix it, because honestly it feels like there’s so much broken. But this is both a truth and a lie. The more you learn, the easier it gets to spot your mistakes. This time I’m spotting so many more ways each scene is broken, why the characters are broken, why the motivations fail… And that’s why this revision feels so daunting. But, being able to see it also means that I can fix it. Hopefully. Maybe. Still, I’m going to take a minute and cry about how much work there is left. I just need a sec.
So it goes: you can have it all, but not at the same time. That feels like the mantra of my life right now. Life’s busy between the day job and family. Some days I’m too tired to get any writing done. Sometimes I feel like I’ve failed at parenting, because I’ve got no emotional energy left after a tough day in the office. Some days I feel like super mom, because naps happen, the child is sweet, and meals get eaten. Some days I feel like I’m crawling in my skin because I’m trapped in the office. Some days the office feels like my only refuge. Some days I despair that I can’t get enough writing done. Movies, TV, showers without interruption, meals you can take your time at – what are those? I haven’t done book reviews for a while, because I have no mental bandwidth for them lately.
July involved a personal health issue that derailed part of the month, and it was hard to feel enthusiastic about anything at all. Then travel happened. This trip to France was our first real vacation together in more than 4 years. It was good to get away, but then there’s always your life to come back to and work to pick up and brush off and start over on. Momentum is fleeting.
How does anyone pursue writing + day job + kids + a life? The only answer I can think of is, failing all over the place, and sacrificing one thing for the other, on one day or another. Most days I’m just too busy to think about it much. You just survive, and keep on going the best you can.
P.S. Scenic highlights of our trip to France on Insta.
- The Heart of Betrayal by Mary E. Pearson
- The Beauty of Darkness by Mary E. Pearson
- Jade City by Fonda Lee
- Maplecroft by Cherie Priest
- Call on Me by Roni Loren
- The Poppy War by R. F. Kuang
- A Lady at Midnight by Tessa Dare
- Bring me Their Hearts by Sara Wolf