Diversions

Still alive! The baby overlord continues to be demanding.

Days and nights blur together but somehow we parental units survive. (If you look very closely you may notice twitching of the eyes, a glimmer of madness, spit stained clothing and unwashed hair).

Every day we face a different challenge. Perhaps it’s not easier but we’ve grown more accustomed to the baby’s demands. Consequently, a new weapon has been deployed to keep us from rebellion: the gummy smile.

It is perhaps the most effective tool the baby has used yet. It also serves as non-financial compensation (or as distraction from the lack thereof). I do not understand how the baby manages such a feat. Every smile is as effective as a drug, causing an immediate reaction in the heart region.

Still in need of sleep. Can that be bottled?

Signing off one handed. The overlord has claimed the other.

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Diversions

Must compose hasty missive. The baby overlord is finally asleep but I may have only minutes to type.

Observations from the field:

Babies appear harmless at first glance. Their heads are floppy and they start out unable to fend for themselves.

Due to this condition, parental units are assigned under the guise of voluntary service. However, few parentals (even those who have previously served under other baby overlords) judge correctly the amount of work involved. I suspect the perpetual sleep deprivation makes it hard for second timers to remember the previous experience.

Baby overlord’s disciplinary tool of choice is a cry biologically designed to be the most irritating sound in existence. Parental units are most vulnerable to this frequency.

The first weeks of service are most demanding. The baby overlord may request food or attention at any hour of day or night. Parental units may have to choose between eating, sleeping or personal hygiene practices during the brief moments between feedings.

Because the species are so different, misunderstandings are bound to occur. Misunderstandings result in further use of the disciplinary tool mentioned above.

Strongly suspect their species would not survive if they were not so cute.

Baby is stirring. Must end missive. Enclosed is a photo of our baby overlord. Looks harmless, but looks can be deceiving. Please send cookies.

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