This revision is going surprisingly well. I’m at the point where I know exactly what I want this story to do and how to get there, so this time around I’m enjoying the scene craft. Some people like to polish as they go, but I like to work in layers from the big picture down to the details. I find that a lot of the world building and character details come in while I take breaks between drafts.
Oh Jenny Han and “To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before”, thanks to you I’m having a crisis. You reminded me that how we see ourselves is not always how the world sees us.
I mostly live in my head. I’m in the worlds I’m creating or the work that I’m doing. It always surprise me when the world intrudes, and it means I’m also a walking disaster. I break things, and when people I know suddenly say hello, I’m often too surprised to do anything but squeak and turn away, embarrassed.
I was also a painfully shy child, and all my life I assumed that I was invisible. Somehow when I became ‘not so shy’ the second part never really left me. It’s often easier to feel invisible, because then I don’t feel cripplingly self-conscious. If I were invisible, I could act any way I pleased. Anonymity offers a strange kind of confidence.
But the truth is, I’m not as invisible as I always thought. I get so lost in my own head that sometimes I’m the one guilty of not paying enough attention. I have some amends to make.
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