Journal

July 2016 Recap

Stuff Accomplished: Draft 2 (the structural rewrite). Clocking in at 50 short chapters, and 82,000 words, up from 67,000 in draft 1.
Books Read: Monstress Vol 1 (SO GOOD! SO BRUTAL! SO BEAUTIFUL)
Sleepless Nights: Too many

This month, the edit monster stole away my writing brain so there wasn’t much left for social media time. Writing this novel feels like I’m outrunning a tsunami, and I can’t stop or I’ll drown.

This is an unusual feeling. I’ve always viewed edits as a necessary evil, but this time the 2nd draft was just as all consuming and compelling as the heady days of a first draft. I don’t know why I want to get this done and out of my hands so quickly.

But this feeling worries me too. It feels like a thin shelter against the real world, and there are some days I don’t want to leave the fictional one behind. Maybe it’s just that I have so little time to myself that writing feels so necessary to my survival.

I love my baby to bits, but as an introvert I always end up feeling exhausted at the end of the day. The little bean is basically an energizer battery who never stops moving (even when she sleeps). Writing helps a little, but it’s still not enough. Whatever time I get, I’m swigging down greedily, and I’m still thirsty after.

I know these really hard days will end eventually. I will sleep again eventually. I don’t want to miss anything either, so I want to give her all the attention I can. It’s both amazing, and frustrating both at the same time. Yes, the good parts make it all worth it, but it’s still tough being a full time working mama, with writing as pretty much the last priority on the list.

In the meantime, I will write on. I’ve already started draft 3, where I’m focusing on cleaning up the language, and I feel myself slowing down. The beginning of the book is as tricky as always, and I’ve already written 6 different versions of the opening scene. If you’re counting, I wrote 8 for the last novel so this is an improvement.

The pressure’s starting to build, even if it’s just in my own head and I’m not sure how to ignore it. Do you get stressed out when you’re writing sometimes? How do you deal with the ‘I think it might suck’ phases?