Diversions

Dispatch 1 via The New Parent Undergound

Must compose hasty missive. The baby overlord is finally asleep but I may have only minutes to type.

Observations from the field:

Babies appear harmless at first glance. Their heads are floppy and they start out unable to fend for themselves.

Due to this condition, parental units are assigned under the guise of voluntary service. However, few parentals (even those who have previously served under other baby overlords) judge correctly the amount of work involved. I suspect the perpetual sleep deprivation makes it hard for second timers to remember the previous experience.

Baby overlord’s disciplinary tool of choice is a cry biologically designed to be the most irritating sound in existence. Parental units are most vulnerable to this frequency.

The first weeks of service are most demanding. The baby overlord may request food or attention at any hour of day or night. Parental units may have to choose between eating, sleeping or personal hygiene practices during the brief moments between feedings.

Because the species are so different, misunderstandings are bound to occur. Misunderstandings result in further use of the disciplinary tool mentioned above.

Strongly suspect their species would not survive if they were not so cute.

Baby is stirring. Must end missive. Enclosed is a photo of our baby overlord. Looks harmless, but looks can be deceiving. Please send cookies.

(null)

7 Comments

  1. Chris Bauer

    Congrats on so many different levels. Great post. And BTW, if you elaborate on the following;
    “However, few parentals (even those who have previously served under other baby overlords) judge correctly the amount of work involved. I suspect the perpetual sleep deprivation makes it hard for second timers to remember the previous experience.”
    AND create the concept of “passive baby mind control powers” you have the perfect framework for a GREAT work of flash fiction. As the father of two teenagers, I’d be happy to share how their powers are turned to evil later on. ; )

    Take care.

  2. Tree

    Hey! S is so cute! It is easy to fall under her trance! Currently in Scotland. The writer’s museum is right next to us. Made me think of you. I will bring you shortbread cookies or some fancy biscuits when I get back!

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