Ollin talked about fear of rejection on his blog recently. That got me thinking about what it is that I fear. I can deal with rejection. It still hurts, but that I know how to move on. I know that it’s not always a bad thing, and that it’s not always personal.
So what do I fear?
I’m afraid I will let myself down.
I’m afraid I will let you down.
Every time I post a piece of fiction online I hold my breath and wonder, what if I’ve lost the ability to tell a decent story? Am I just repeating myself? What if I can’t grow any further as a writer?
Even now there’s voice in my brain whispering that I’ll never finish my novel revisions, that the story will sit unfinished, and unpolished, forever.
I’m afraid that I am all potential, but can’t actually execute, that I can get 95% of the way, but can’t make it through that last 5%.
Still, one of the few magics I know is that by putting that fear into words, it starts to lose its power. The unvoiced fear, the unseen ghost in the shadows, can be far more fearsome than the animal standing in front of you in the daylight.
The beast is already starting to lose it’s teeth.
What do you fear?